6. Spanish
Best lipstick smear ever.
Before everyone realized a couple of years ago that all that money wasn't real, most of northern Europe was flocking to Spain to spend it on vacation homes.
Why? Because sun, sea, sand, siestas and sangria aside, Spain is cool -- and so are the Spanish, who don’t even start the party until most other nations have gone to bed.
It's a shame everyone had to go home.
Icon of cool: Javier Bardem. Antonio Banderas 2.0 bagged Penelope Cruz. Not so cool: We still haven’t forgotten the Spanish Olympic basketball team’s slant-eyed “tribute” to China in 2008. 5. Americans
In what other country does POTUS go goofy foot?
What? Americans? War-starting, planet-polluting, over-consuming, arms-bearing Americans? Surely we can't be suggesting that the people who voted George W. Bush into the White House (twice!) are cool?
Yes we are because, like it or not, we must.
The evidence is legion. Global politics aside, the world has done rather well out of Americans. Where would the hipsters of today be without rock and roll, classic Hollywood films, great American novels, tail fins, blue jeans, jazz, hip hop, “The Sopranos,” 360-degree slam dunks and that ultimate embodiment of cool -- surfing?
OK, someone else might eventually have come up with the same ideas, but the point is they didn't and America did.
Not so cool: Pre-emptive military strikes, random invasions, rapacious consumerism, pathetic math scores and Walmart fatties would also place Americans high on any “most uncool” list.
4. Mongolians
"You gotta be kidding me -- we got beat out by Singapore?"
Along with a carefully crafted air of quiet mystery, these unflappable souls pretty much perfected the freewheeling, nomadic cowboy existence, throat singing and yurts. Fur-lined everything -- boots, coats, hats, undies -- adds hearty splendor to the historic mystique. And who else keeps eagles as pets?
Icons of cool: Actress Khulan Chuluun, who played Ghengis Khan's wife in the very cool film, “Mongol,” and matched the arch badass arrow for arrow, barb for barb. Not so cool: Yak-based dairy products … at every meal.
3. Jamaicans
Just don't call him "mon" and you'll be cool.
There's more to Jamaicans than reggae, including Rastafarian (the most kick-back religion ever invented), an accent that’s the envy of the English-speaking world and the planet’s most distinctive and recognizable hairstyle. Note to backpackers: dreadlocks only cool on actual Jamaicans.
Icon of cool: Jimmy Cliff. The “Harder They Come" singer is still bringing it at 62. Not so cool: High murder rate and widespread homophobia.
2. Singaporeans
Finally, something worth Tweeting about, la?
Think about it: in this digital age where blogging and updating Facebook are pretty much all that anyone does anymore, old school notions of cool have been rebooted. No longer the laughingstock, geeks are now inheriting the Earth.
With its absurdly computer-literate population, Singapore is geek central and its people can therefore claim their rightful place as avatars of modern cool. They’re probably all Tweeting about it right now.
Icon of cool: Lim Ding Wen. This child prodigy could program in six computer languages at age nine. A glorious future awaits.
1. Brazilians
Rush hour in the financial district; the money-makers are hard at work.
Without Brazilians we wouldn't have samba and Rio carnival; we wouldn't have the soccer beauty of Pele and Ronaldo; we wouldn't have the minuscule swimwear and toned bodies of Copacabana beach; and we wouldn't have certain eye-watering procedures performed with wax.
Unless they're using their sexy, laid-back, party-loving reputation as a cover for exterminating dolphins or invading Poland, then we have no choice but to name Brazilians as the coolest people on the planet.
So, if you're Brazilian and reading this, congratulations -- although, since you're sitting at a computer instead of showing off your six-pack on the shoreline, you probably aren't that cool yourself.
Icon of cool: Seu Jorge. The favela-raised performer's soulful Portuguese-language Bowie covers make you wish Ziggy Stardust was from Brazil, not space.
Not so cool: Mmmmm, Brazilian meat and cocoa -- so delicious, but farming's destruction of vast tracts of rainforest leaves a bitter aftertaste.
